Talking

Something that comes so "easily" to many of us . . . I don't really like talking in FRONT of people & I never have. . . giving speeches in class this past spring nearly killed me!! I thought I would DIE everytime I had to do it. . .Although, I knew that was a common feeling among many people that HAD to speak in front of a group.

Until recently, I never really thought that my FIVE year old could already be experiencing this kind of phobia! This past fall (2006), at 4 yrs old, Rayna was diagnosed as being "Selectively Mute" (selective mutism). Although, there hasn't been many "tests" to rule out other things compltely, the "symptoms" match well.

Rayna started daycare in the Fall of 2004 . . . (when I began college), and went through Spring 2007 - well a month - if that of the spring semester (2007). In that 2 & 1/2 yrs, Rayna did NOT speak a WORD to anyone inside the daycare - no staff, no children, no one. . .

After a semester of this, I began asking people if they this was "unusual". . . no one seemed to know anything about it & thought she was "just shy" and would come around. Rayna had terrible seperation anxiety - she cried so hard & held on to me so tight - I had to PRY off her little fingers & hand her to one of the teachers & zoom away. I felt so terrible. I never let her see it, but I cried a few times - especially in the beginning, because it just broke my heart.

How can this little face be so worried about talking to friends, her teacher, others? I never really thought about a child having such a fear like that!! But, now thinking about it & not know exactly what I should do - is even worse! How do I get through to her its OK to talk to people, to make friends, to have fun at school & it's ok to like it?? :(

(She had her hair in braids & we took them out this am, LOL) And here's the back of her hair. She's so funny! She still tells me she doesn't want any friends. . . How does a 5yr not want friends?? All 5 yr olds I know want friends! :( Not only that, at home she never shuts up, she is even a bit of a bully at times!!

Her teacher told me that she is a fantastic, bright, creative child. She says she loves her artwork, it's very creative and good. . Maybe because she doesn't verbally express in "public"?

I have to speak with my friend Jill - she is probably sure to have some ideas/thoughts on this. She's really good like that. . .

I will be having a meeting with her teacher, and the school counselor. I printed a bunch of stuff I had found on SM & saved for her teacher. I really hoped Rayna would come around by now. . . How can she have not said a WORD in "school" in THREE yrs???

And another thing, I had her evaluated at a school Fall 2006 (they diagnose "behind children" and learning disabilities and all that - whatever the correct terminology is. . .and even though not SPEAKING to people IS a "delay" of a sort (my analogy - not one stated by them!) = they "could not offer any help because Rayna is not delayed, or behind!!

Don't get the wrong impression, I am NOT looking for a label, etc. . . I just want to help her feel safe & ok at school. I want her to be able to relax & talk & play with her friends. I don't want her to be crazy afraid of speaking to everyone forever!! It took her awhile, but she did start talking to my friend Jen - after a few months - but I spent a lot of time with Jen - we studied together at school & got together at home, we went to her house a lot, ETC. So Rayna was seeing a LOT of her - she finally broke when she started talking to Jen about Jake - her dog! LOL Animals always get her!:) - Yet, haven't gotten her to talk at school . . .

So. . . Well, I don't know what to do with my baby girl! I mean. . I don't "DO" much - I encourage her to talk to people when they talk to her . . . I try to get her to play with other kids. . She is soooo sensitive. . .

Oh. . . and here is a funny pic I had to share. . . We moved the iguana to a smaller cage for winter & into the bathroom, where it is warmer & higher humidity - anyway - Rayna was sitting on the floor by his cage - in those green clothes & he came over & tried to eat her pants!! hehehehe!!! It was really cute! He didn't hurt himself or anything - he discovered quickly he couldn't get to her pants, let alone eat them - so he want back to his perch - and we got him more Kale! LOL