Real Confessions of a TIRED Mom

I am soo exhausted! I swear I walked about 30 miles this week. . . well it feeeeeeeels like it!! I am totally wiped. . .

Wed of course was halloween & we took the kids out. We took them around their school & then to Rhinebeck. They ToT about 3 & 1/2 hrs. We went through the haunted firehouse in Rhinebeck.

Thurs I did some errands with my mother. She is going for a surgery consult in Dec. So I will prob be caring for her for awhile when she has the surgery.

Fri am (this am!) I spent an hour & 1.2 in "K"! lol We went to Rayna's class this am to share Chuckie with them. Then, we visited the other 2 "K" classes too! So, I got 4 "educational programs" in this week. Rayna's teacher would like me to come back again next Fri with my snake! LOL!!

Then, I took Jaymz home (he went with me after working all night & getting a tidbit of sleep - to the school to take pics for me) and I had to go to Kingston to do my errands & shopping. (Also went over to mom's quick & we took a walk - we have been trying to do this several times a week) . .. (So I am up to @ 7mi!)

I forgot Jesse's dance was tonite - so talking to Jaymz around 4:30, he was like did you forget @ Jesse's dance? And I was like ah shit! I did! Ugh!! SO I had to rush more. . .

I got home just after 5. We left for the high school about 10 to 6.
The dances were all good again this year! They are performed by the 3rd gr classes of the district. Last time we went was when the girls did their 3rd dances in 2005?? Rayna said she is NOT doing that. . . although, she was dancing along in the bleachers!! LOL

Hmm. . . Here we have a parenting program . .. Maybe through the high school? I hear it is 8th graders, but that is middle school. Anyways, the girls get a "life like doll" . . .interesting. . . the baby care packages are these. . . I only know because the things the girls' have matches these things . . . .I though maybe 8th grade is a bit young. . .but then looking at the of 8th graders that have had babies in the last 10 yrs . . (+++) maybe it's not!! My kids would love playing with these babies! LOL Of course, the older girls aren't "playing" but having a "learning" experience. .but still . .

Ok I am getting delirious from lack of sleep so I must go. . more soon!! - I actually have a pretty interesting blog post in the works. .. well *I* think it is extrememly interesting. .. It's probably going to take a few days for me to get it finished. . . Also have several photos I want to get shared. . . HOPEFULLY this week. . . . . . . Till next time!!

Talking

Something that comes so "easily" to many of us . . . I don't really like talking in FRONT of people & I never have. . . giving speeches in class this past spring nearly killed me!! I thought I would DIE everytime I had to do it. . .Although, I knew that was a common feeling among many people that HAD to speak in front of a group.

Until recently, I never really thought that my FIVE year old could already be experiencing this kind of phobia! This past fall (2006), at 4 yrs old, Rayna was diagnosed as being "Selectively Mute" (selective mutism). Although, there hasn't been many "tests" to rule out other things compltely, the "symptoms" match well.

Rayna started daycare in the Fall of 2004 . . . (when I began college), and went through Spring 2007 - well a month - if that of the spring semester (2007). In that 2 & 1/2 yrs, Rayna did NOT speak a WORD to anyone inside the daycare - no staff, no children, no one. . .

After a semester of this, I began asking people if they this was "unusual". . . no one seemed to know anything about it & thought she was "just shy" and would come around. Rayna had terrible seperation anxiety - she cried so hard & held on to me so tight - I had to PRY off her little fingers & hand her to one of the teachers & zoom away. I felt so terrible. I never let her see it, but I cried a few times - especially in the beginning, because it just broke my heart.

How can this little face be so worried about talking to friends, her teacher, others? I never really thought about a child having such a fear like that!! But, now thinking about it & not know exactly what I should do - is even worse! How do I get through to her its OK to talk to people, to make friends, to have fun at school & it's ok to like it?? :(

(She had her hair in braids & we took them out this am, LOL) And here's the back of her hair. She's so funny! She still tells me she doesn't want any friends. . . How does a 5yr not want friends?? All 5 yr olds I know want friends! :( Not only that, at home she never shuts up, she is even a bit of a bully at times!!

Her teacher told me that she is a fantastic, bright, creative child. She says she loves her artwork, it's very creative and good. . Maybe because she doesn't verbally express in "public"?

I have to speak with my friend Jill - she is probably sure to have some ideas/thoughts on this. She's really good like that. . .

I will be having a meeting with her teacher, and the school counselor. I printed a bunch of stuff I had found on SM & saved for her teacher. I really hoped Rayna would come around by now. . . How can she have not said a WORD in "school" in THREE yrs???

And another thing, I had her evaluated at a school Fall 2006 (they diagnose "behind children" and learning disabilities and all that - whatever the correct terminology is. . .and even though not SPEAKING to people IS a "delay" of a sort (my analogy - not one stated by them!) = they "could not offer any help because Rayna is not delayed, or behind!!

Don't get the wrong impression, I am NOT looking for a label, etc. . . I just want to help her feel safe & ok at school. I want her to be able to relax & talk & play with her friends. I don't want her to be crazy afraid of speaking to everyone forever!! It took her awhile, but she did start talking to my friend Jen - after a few months - but I spent a lot of time with Jen - we studied together at school & got together at home, we went to her house a lot, ETC. So Rayna was seeing a LOT of her - she finally broke when she started talking to Jen about Jake - her dog! LOL Animals always get her!:) - Yet, haven't gotten her to talk at school . . .

So. . . Well, I don't know what to do with my baby girl! I mean. . I don't "DO" much - I encourage her to talk to people when they talk to her . . . I try to get her to play with other kids. . She is soooo sensitive. . .

Oh. . . and here is a funny pic I had to share. . . We moved the iguana to a smaller cage for winter & into the bathroom, where it is warmer & higher humidity - anyway - Rayna was sitting on the floor by his cage - in those green clothes & he came over & tried to eat her pants!! hehehehe!!! It was really cute! He didn't hurt himself or anything - he discovered quickly he couldn't get to her pants, let alone eat them - so he want back to his perch - and we got him more Kale! LOL

Rayna -- the beginning

Rayna, this is you - in the beginning. You were just a little bean back then - 7wks6days gestation grown here. This was June 2001.

Then, a few months later, brings us to this.

This is Sep 2001. Here you are 22wks grown.

And here you are. Into the world - with daddy. Jan 2002. You were supposed to be born Jan 18th. You were not patient then, and not so patient now either:)

Rayna Skye 12-24-05

This is our Miss Rayna on Christmas Eve, 2005 - which was your 4th birthday.

This is at grandma & grandpa's house. They have that big singing, dancing santa & you loved it, LOL. You held his hands & sang & danced with him.

Your favorite color is green.

You are a funny, happy child. . . mostly good-mannered & well-behaved, but you definitely have a wyld, uncontrolled side. You are usually friendly & outgoing, but always stubborn as can be.

You still don't talk at school. Although, lately, you seem almost like you really want to. For the first time. You told me the other day, "I want to talk, but I don't want to." Silly girl.

Rayna - you are a HUGE animal lover. You are amazing with animals. . . they take to you like no one I've ever seen before!

You were born on Monday, Dec 24th, 2001 at 9:39pm. You were 6lb 2oz. Our smallest baby - but you were also born at 36wks 3days. Which was the earliest (gestation) of the 4 kids. You were born in Redding, CA. You were give a native american name, to honor part of your heritage. You have a lot of native american ancestry, and we hope you will be proud of it. "Rayna" means wise guardian. Currently, you are 5 yrs old, almost 6. You are 38lbs. You are in Kindergarten.

You are a wyld, in-your-face, free-spirited child, who is funny & so curious & interested in the world around you. I hope you always keep that. We love you so much!

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

Same today. I took Rayna to "school" & dropped her off. She was reluctant, like always. I am glad that she doesn't cry anymore - like she did when I took her to daycare! For about 4 -6 mos (a semester - a semester & 1/2), Rayna cried every time I dropped her off at daycare . She did eventually stop, but like I mentioned earlier, she refused to verbally speak to anyone! :( I feel really bad because she missed out on playing with the children. SHE played, on her own, but never with anyone else;(

Today, I didn't take any photos of the kids, so I am going to share an old photo from July. This pic is from July 12th, 2007. We went the the Mohonk Nature Preserve. Rayna LOVES animals. . . She is going to change the world;)

Have a great day all!